Beat the self-belief thief

I want to talk about confidence thieves. You know – those people (or moments) that swoop in and swipe your self-belief right out from under you.

They’re real, persistent and they can strike at any time.

But don’t worry, I’ve got some great advice to help you spot them, protect yourself and even bounce back stronger.

What are confidence thieves?

Confidence thieves come in different forms. Sometimes it’s a person - a colleague, a boss or even a so-called friend - who makes a remark that cuts deep, making you question yourself.

Other times, it’s a situation, like a big presentation or an unexpected challenge that rattles your confidence.

And then there’s that little voice in your head, whispering things like, “Who do you think you are?” or “You’re not ready for this.”

Any of these can steal your self-belief if you let them.

It can happen so quickly. One small comment or a brief moment of doubt can snowball into a full-on confidence crisis.

These confidence thieves are lurking everywhere, sometimes where you least expect them.

Watch my 5-min' tutorial on beating the confidence thief. (Includes a real-life confidence thief case study!)

Bit Famous works with businesses and organisations
to help them communicate with confidence.

By Penny Haslam

MD and Founder - Bit Famous

Workplace Confidence

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How to beat the confidence thief

If you’ve ever had your confidence swiped like Sarah (my case study in the video), don’t despair. There are ways to bounce back, and it all starts with something I call:

The FFVs: Facts, Feelings and Values

Facts

First, take a step back and look at what actually happened. Not what you think happened, not how it felt in the moment but the cold, hard facts.

For Sarah, the facts were simple: Mr. Grumpy was rude, uncooperative, and disrespectful. Importantly, everyone saw it. It wasn’t just her imagination. Recognising the facts helps put things into perspective and shows that the issue wasn’t with her.

Feelings

Next, acknowledge how the situation made you feel. For Sarah, it was a mix of anger, frustration and feeling undermined totally valid feelings in the circumstances. It’s important to recognise these emotions, rather than burying them or pretending they don’t exist.

Values

Finally, think about your values. Ask yourself, “What values of mine were challenged or compromised here?” For Sarah, her values of clear communication, professionalism and respect were clearly at odds with Mr. Grumpy’s behaviour.

By identifying this, she could see the problem wasn’t her ability to chair a panel - it was a mismatch of values. When you realise it’s not about your skills or competence but about a difference in values, it becomes much easier to move forward without internalising the criticism.

Re-envision the situation

Another powerful strategy is to re-envision the situation. This means taking control of your mental picture of the confidence-sapping scene and rewriting it.

For instance, instead of seeing Mr. Grumpy as this all-powerful critic, imagine him as a grumpy toddler in a clown outfit, sucking on a dummy and swinging his legs on a chair that's too big for him.

Why do this? Because it strips away his power. It’s hard to feel intimidated by someone when you picture them like that, right? It’s all about shrinking the thief down to size so they don’t take up space in your head anymore. Plus, it lightens the intensity of the experience and adds a bit of humour!

Confidence thieves are everywhere

Remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being resilient. Next time someone or something tries to steal your confidence, you’ll be ready.

Stay confident, disrupt self-doubt and keep thriving!